For several weeks now supporters of Bush's rude, crude, and socially unacceptable invasion of my peace loving country (the occasional unprovoked attack on our neighbors notwithstanding) had been pointing to the falling number of insurgent attacks as proof that they were winning.

Nonsense.

What happened is that the second anniversary of the (alleged) Fall of Baghdad was approaching, along with the second anniversary of the official beginning of the insurgency. For purposes of record keeping, our personnel department had been treating that as the official date of hire for the fighters. Since they had been working so hard, most had not yet had a chance to take time off, except for the occasional funeral of coworkers.

But as their anniversary dates neared, they were faced with a dilemma: Use up their accumulated vacation time or lose it. Many of them opted to take a break from the fighting, so naturally the overall level of productivity of the insurgency suffered.

But now that April 19th has come and gone, the insurgents are back on the job and stepping up their attacks.

More importantly, the level of sophistication of the attacks has gone up as well. For example, the infidels were quite impressed by the insurgents' assault on the Abu Ghraib prison earlier this month. It would have been big news back when it happened, except that the world was mesmerized at the time by the Pope's impending death.

More recently, insurgents launched a well orchestrated attack on a Marine base near the Syrian border, nearly overrunning it.

I'd love to go on, but I have to run. My favorite all-time movie is on TV in a few minutes: Guerrillas in the Mist.

P.S.
On a serious note: A lot has been written this past week about Marla Ruzicka, the American aid worker who was killed by a roadside bomb. Her death serves to further illustrate the profound waste and foolishness of this unnecessary war. The website of the organization she founded, CIVIC Worldwide, has posted some wonderful photos of her at work.

Last month a woman claimed to have found a fingertip in a bowl of chile she bought at Wendy's, an infidel fast food chain. She tried to sue the restaurant, but soon details of her past attempts to blackmail other companies began to surface. Furthermore, attempts by Wendy's to find the source of the missing finger proved to be about as successful as Bush's search for my WMD's.

Early yesterday police arrested the woman, charged her with grand larceny, and declared the whole thing a hoax.... Much like Bush's claim that I was up to my tuckus in WMD's--Not that I'm still dwelling on the subject.

Anyway, I guess I better drop my idea to claim I found a camel penis in my hummus.

Ever wonder what it's like to go on one of those patrols that are so often attacked by insurgents? Ann Scott Tyson of the Washington Post, an infidel newspaper, is embedded with a military unit south of Baghdad and writes about the experience firsthand.

I suppose no matter how bad things may seem, they could always be worse.

I don't mean to suggest that I'm a rabid environmentalist, but I do care about the world my sons will have to live in.... Well, er, would have lived in if they hadn't ended up with more holes in them than swiss cheese.

Anyway, my point is that I do worry about how mankind often mistreats Mother Nature--especially when it comes to water pollution. This is no way to dispose of human waste.

Oops....

It's starting to look like the state of Texas screwed up and put an innocent man to death last year. Needless to say, many anti-capital punishment types are up in arms over the case.

So what? I've personally put plenty of innocent people to death, and you don't see me losing sleep over it!

Some crybaby member of the illegal Iraqi Parliament is upset that the illegal occupying Americans handcuffed and detained him because he didn't have the proper ID to get into the Green Zone!

Can you believe that crap? What an ungrateful moron!! I mean, does this guy realize that there are about 75,000,000 insurgents looking to kill him as well as every other member of that stupid Parliament, and that if it weren't for those Americans checking ID's, his body parts would be splattered across 15 square blocks of downtown Baghdad?

I'm not sure, but I'm guessing he was a Shiite. They're the only ones who can possibly be that stupid.

This points out yet another problem with democracy: Any brainless nitwit can get lucky and win an election.

Kind of like Bush....

What!?! The new Pope is a Kraut!?! The Jews are gonna love this....

The other day I was positively giddy with delight that a bunch of Shiites had been taken hostage by Sunnis. Now it turns out that may not have been the case at all! A series of raids by authorities have failed to turn up any actual hostages in that area, and speculation is mounting that the whole thing was made up in an attempt to embarrass various factions of the government.

Likewise, there have been conflicting reports about some official being assassinated. First it was one guy, then it was another, and now no one seems to be sure exactly who got whacked.

Then again, I suppose I can take solace in the fact that the government illegally elected last January has reduced itself to such petty bickering. It's just further evidence of the flaws inherent in democracy, and once again demonstrates the need for a strong father figure to step forward and establish some discipline in Iraq.

Let me once again point out that I am tanned, rested, and ready to oppress.

Plus, I've got one hell of a beard now.

For the first time ever, NASA scientists have obtained the first direct view of planets outside our own solar system.

Impressive, but I'm betting they didn't find my WMD's there either.

President Bush threw out the first ball at something called a "baseball game" the other day. And while I'm not completely certain, I believe a "baseball game" is some sort of stupid infidel sporting event. And it's probably not nearly exciting as a good game of nogginball.

However, after careful analysis of the photo, there is one thing I am sure of: Bush throws like a girl.

Meanwhile, in the town of Al_Madain near Baghdad, some 80 Shiites have been taken hostage by Sunnis. Their captors are threatening to kill the whole bunch of them unless all the Shiites leave town. It's only a matter of time until the Shiites decide to take revenge on the Sunnis by seizing some of them.

This is wonderful news, of course, for it will only cause tensions between the various factions of Iraq to flare even more! I get goosebumps just thinking about it!

And down in southern Iraq, searchers have found mass graves containing the remains of 7000 people supposedly killed by me. What utter nonsense!! Let me assure you, my faithful readers, that I had nothing to do with their untimely deaths. I don't know when this alleged massacre happened, but let me be the first to say that I was out in the backyard of one of my palaces working on my golf swing at the time. I have witnesses who can prove that.... Probably.... Unless they're also in prison.

A new survey says that more people are becoming "accepting" of spam. Not that they like it, mind you; it's just that they have come to tolerate it as a necessary part of being on the internet.

Well, that's just outrageous! What the hell is wrong with you people!?!?!? There is absolutely no reason why anyone--even you stinkin' infidels--should have to put with emails implying that your male genitalia is inferior! And as for any of you smartasses about to make jokes about the size of my own manly parts, let me assure you that there is nothing below average about me. In fact, I'm hung like a frikkin' camel. Just ask any of the cigarette smoking pregnant female American soldiers who have supervised me during the naked human pyramid building drills.

And what is it with all the phishing emails lately? I mean, is there anyone still out there stupid enough to fall for those things? Besides Rumsfeld, I mean.

Quite frankly, spammers are the only form of life on Allah's green Earth that are lower than rats, cockroaches, single celled microbes, and Shiites.

Forget the the war on terror. It's a failure. Not only is Osama still out there, he's making more videos of himself than Paris Hilton. What's more, much of the civilized world has come to hate America.

If Bush wants to regain the respect of the international community of nations, he should go after the real enemy and declare war on spam and the nations which harbor spammers.

Since yesterday was the second anniversary of the so-called "Fall of Baghdad," I felt I should say a few words on the topic....

First of all, Baghdad did not "fall." It merely underwent a temporary "transfer of custodianship." Got that?

That said, I have to add that I'm marking the occasion by drinking this alcohol I found in the General's refrigerator. The bottle is labelled "specimen," and while I admit I've never heard of that brand before, it's quite good. I've only had a couple of sips, and already I've got one hell of a buzz going!!

Meanwhile, tens of thousands of Shiites marked the occasion by demonstrating in the streets of Baghdad and demanding that the United States leave. HAHAHAHA!!!!! Now that's gratitude for you!! The Americans saved their sorry butts from me, and they're repaying the debt by telling their saviors to go the f*ck home!

I hate to admit it, but for once I agree with those damn Shiites.

The other great piece of news I just got is out of Kirkuk. The Kurds pretty well control the place, and now they're talking about seceding from the rest of Iraq. But since they have 9 million barrels of oil reserves in the area, no one wants to see that happen. Even worse, minority groups in the city feel that they are deliberately being shut out of the local councils by the Kurds.

But enough talk about politics. It's time I congratulated that big eared infidel Prince Charles on his wedding to Camilla Parker Bowles. Forget all that crap about divorces, broken marriages, and the fact that the two of them are cousins. What's important is that they are happy, and love one another.... Even if they are commiting incest.

People make some very cruel remarks about Camilla's looks, and I feel that is totally uncalled for. A person's exterior appearance, however nauseating, can easily mask the goodness and beauty that lies on the inside.

I should know. You see, years ago, I carried on a longstanding torrid love affair with Bowles identical twin sister, Camela Parker Bowles. In fact, this romance is what led to the breakup of several of my marriages. Even though she dumped me for good when I became involved with the Dixie Chicks, I still always treasure the oh-so-sweet memories of our years together.

And even though I sit here in prison, stripped of most of my worldly possesions, I still have the one item I cherish more than all my palaces, more than the billions of dollars I looted from my country, more than my dreams of dominance of the middle east, more than my solid gold toilet seats, more than my non-existent weapons of mass destruction, and more than anything else on Earth. Yes, I still carry a single snapshot of my beloved Camela in my wallet:

The American judicial system is thoroughly screwed up, and its sentencing guidelines are completely out of whack. For example, a judge in Virginia just sentenced a spammer to nine years in prison!

What the hell is that about!?!? Call me old fashioned, but I've always felt that the punishment should fit the crime. And I'm sorry, but sentencing someone to almost a decade of prison time for the mere act of sending out a few billion unwanted emails is just plain ridiculous.

Personally, I would have had the guy's fingernails and toenails pulled out one by one, then hung him upside from a tree by his testicles while buzzards pecked his eyeballs out.

Followed by five years probation, of course.

I see those worthless infidel dogs at Blogger finally have their stupid system back up....

The new Iraqi President, Whatshisname Talabani, offering amnesty to all the insurgents.

I think this is a wonderful idea. Quite frankly, the fight to drive the occupiers from our land and restore tyranny and oppression to Iraq hasn't been going very well lately. This will enable those in the insurgency a chance to take a much needed vacation, maybe even travel to France and enjoy Euro Disney for a couple of days, then return home, regroup, rethink their strategies, work up some fresh targets, and return to work with a fresh new attitude.

Incidentally, did you know there used to be a Middle Eastern version of Disneyland? It eventually went out of business because Mickey kept strapping explosives to his body and blowing up the tourists.

I would never tell Osama this--mainly because I never talk to him since I don't have any actual 'substantial ties' to Al Qaeda--but sometimes I wish I were a woman. Then I could have things like this done to me.

It's a really, really, REALLY, REALLY good thing that I'm not dead yet, or I'd be rolling over in my grave. Have you heard what these idiots in that new unlawful Parliament are doing? They're naming a frikkin' Kurd as President!!!!!! Can you believe that crap!?!?!

What's next? Britney Spears and her freeloading husband in a reality TV show?

Don't be alarmed. This is the first and ONLY time you will ever see me running a "Family Circus" cartoon.

An additional finding by that commission that investigated the intelligence failures leading to the unlawful, illegal, and highly irregular invasion of my country was that a number of people raised serious questions about the accuracy of the information on my alleged WMD's. Unfortunately, everyone in the Bush Administration was so caught up in the march to war that they refused to listen. In fact, someone called CIA Director George Tenet the night before Colin Powell's big presentation at the U.N. voicing doubts. Tenet replied with something to the effect of "Yeah, yeah. I'm tired, leave me alone."

I can see dozing off and driving off the road into a tree. That happens all the time.

But dozing off, invading a country, destroying your nation's credibility, pissing off all your allies, enraging the entire Muslim world, and causing the deaths of tens of thousands of people?!?!?!

It sickens me to think that this whole mess could have been avoided if someone had only had a second cup of coffee.

Conservative commentator Pat Buchanan was hit with a bunch of salad dressing last night while delivering a speech in Michigan.

Great. They'll probably try to pin this attack on me as well.

If there's one thing those crazy infidels in the United States love, it's commissions, and I'm not talking about the kind used camel salesmen get. I'm talking about the ones that "investigate" things, determine what "went wrong," and then come up with "recommendations."

The Americans appoint commissions for every damn thing. They had a commission that investigated the loss of the space shuttle Columbia. They had one that investigated what went wrong on 9-11. They have commissions that set water and sewage rates. And they just had one that finished working on the intelligence failures leading up to the invasion of my peace loving (well, except for the occasional invasion of helpless neighboring countries) paradise (well, except for the occasional gassing of Kurdish villages) of a nation.

When I ran Iraq, we didn't need no stinkin' commissions. If something bad happened, I would find the person responsible and shoot him. And if I couldn't find the person who screwed up, then I would just shoot someone at random and say he was the one. Generally speaking, that was enough of an incentive to everyone else to NOT f*ck up next time.

But I digress.... The United States appointed some sort of stupid commission to investigate the bad intelligence that led to the invasion. They came out with their report yesterday, and guess what? Their conclusion was that the Iraqi weapons assessments were "dead wrong."

Jesus H. Frikkin' Allah!!!!! The whole world has known that for the last three years, and Bush needed a stupid commission to explain it to him?!?!?!

According to an interview he gave to a German magazine, Colin Powell thinks the Bush Administration was "too blustery" in its rhetoric prior to invading Iraq.

Blustery!?!?!?! What's Powell doing? Hoping to win the Understatement of the Year Award? It was more like a frikkin' category 5 hurricane!!!!

Well, this is horrible news and a major setback for my legal defense. My lead attorney, Johnnie Cochran, has died.

I mean, this guy was able to convince a jury that O.J. Simpson was innocent, for crying out loud!! How frikkin' amazing is that!?!?! With him leading my defense team, I have no doubt I would have emerged from that courtroom with a Nobel Peace Prize.

Now I'm just plain f*cked.

Wonderful news!! That new Iraqi Parliament thing met yesterday, and it dissolved into a shouting match between Kurds, Shiites, and Sunnis as they tried to select a speaker for the chamber. Tempers flared, and the country's fake President stormed out, along with the fake interim Prime Minister.

See? I told you that stupid democracy idea would never work in Iraq. But does anyone ever listen to me? To good ol' Saddam? To the guy who ran the country for 25 years? Who knows Iraq better than anyone? No, of course not! They're all too busy calling me names and accusing me of crimes against humanity!

Not that I'm bitter....

The situation in Kyrgystan--or whatever the hell it's called--continues to detoriate. It's also become yet another example of the failure of democracy: There are now several rival parliaments arguing about which of them is the legitmate one!

That's just plain nuts, and leads to nothing confusion. For example, let's say one parliament decides to go poking its nose into a highly charged family squabble and orders the feeding tube reconnected. Meanwhile, another totally different parliament votes to mind its own damn business, not get involved, and let the state courts settle the matter. And that's not even counting the religious fanatics out on the sidewalk who keep getting arrested for trespassing with a glass of water. So who does the hospice listen to?

If you have a single dictator who is able to consolidate power and kill his opposition, there would be no silly questions about who's in charge.

What is the deal with this spreading scourge of democracy? Isn't there some sort of protective vaccine that can be given to us despots?

It seems that another country has unjustly deposed a longtime dictator. This time it was Kyrgystan.

Yeah, that's exactly what I said. But I checked, and there really is a country by that name. It used to be part of the old Soviet Union, until they went all soft and wishy-washy.

The people of Kyrgystan apparently got fed up with constant government corruption, disputed elections, and a severe shortage of vowels.

I have on several occasions talked about the inferiority of democracy. Some of you, I'm sure, have disagreed with me. And if I knew who you were, I would personally come to your house and yank out your toenails one by one.

But alas, I don't. That's one problem with the anonymity of the internet.

I bring this up only because there has another colossal failure of democracy. I am referring, of course, to the American Idol fiasco. In case you've been living under Iraq--er, I mean under a rock--and missed the story, here's what happened: During Monday night's episode, Fox TV showed the wrong phone numbers to call to vote for each individual contestant! I should also note that Fox TV is run by the same group of morons that run Fox News, which explains a lot (More on those nimrods tomorrow).

And the worst part of it is that we can't blame Simon for the mess.

How the hell can you screw up something so major as American Idol!?!?! I mean, fine, it's okay if the United States screws up its presidential elections. It's not like those things matter. But American Idol!?!?!?! When the selection of a winner can effect every single infidel living in that country!?!?! This is shocking, and only serves to further demonstrate how fragile democracies are to the winsome whims of the fickle finger of fate.

We despots are big on alliteration....

Rest assured I would never have tolerated this type of mistake on Iraqi Idol. On the other hand, because I was running the damn thing, we didn't have to worry about voting, either.

A recent poll of Iraqis shows that a majority of those surveyed think the country's future looks bright.

Nonsense. That brightness was actually the flash from an exploding car bomb.

People sometimes come up to me and say, "Hey, Saddam! Are you looking forward to your trial? What is your legal strategy going to be? Which do you prefer: The electric chair, a firing squad, lethal injection, hanging, or the gas chamber?"

Well, first of all, that question assumes that there's even going to be a trial. There is still too much turmoil in Iraq, and the judges keep getting blown up. But still, I like to plan ahead just in case. So my lawyers will argue that I can't possibly receive a fair trial here because the potential jury pool has been tainted and/or killed. So we'll move to have the proceedings moved to California. And once that happens, I'll be as good as free. California juries never convict anyone, regardless of the evidence. Hell, they let O.J. Simpson off, didn't they? And who was that other, washed-up actor? Robert Blake? He even tried to hire frikkin' hit men to knock off his wife, and he STILL got acquited.

And you just watch: Michael Jackson's going to get off as well, and I don't mean "getting off" from playing with little boys.

In fact, I'm thinking about following Jacko's lead on this by repeatedly showing up late in the courtroom, wearing pajama bottoms to the trial, and crying like a big ol' baby in front of the judge.

On the other hand, if I follow his example too closely, I might get locked up for being a wack job from outer space.




P.S.
The gas chamber!?! Man, would that be an ironic death or what?

Gosh, has it really been two years since Bush started the war too early with that "decapitation attempt?" I bet if you ask Laura, she'll tell you that it wasn't the first time the President did something prematurely.

Anyway, it warms the cockles of my heart--and believe me when I say I have one of the biggest cockles around--to see so many of my supporters all around the world protesting the illegal invasion and occupation of my palaces.

So what exactly has the United States accomplished during the last two years? Well, they've spent of billions and billions of dollars trying to pacify my country. But rather than being pacified, it continues to behave like a colicky baby. Or, more precisely, a colicky baby armed with machine guns, rocket propelled grenade launchers, and roadside bombs.

And yes, they have captured me, but so what? How was I threat? I had no nuclear program, no poison gas plants, no stockpiles of Anthrax, no working relationship with Al Qaeda, and my air force was subterranean (that means buried in the sand, you ninny). Plus, I had finally decided to be a nice guy and let the United Nations weapons inspectors in like Bush wanted, and what happens? He tells them to leave!!! He changes his mind more often than my wives when they're trying to decide what to wear to a public execution!

Oh, and here's the best part: The guy who killed the 3,000 Americans on 9-11 is still on the loose!!! And making frikkin' videotapes!!!

But at least I'm in jail, so the world must be a better place.

There are some reports that Al Qaeda terrorists may be training as scuba divers so that they can attack ships. That's gotta be the craziest damn thing I've ever heard--Well, at least since that time Bush gave me 48 hours to get out of Iraq.

Now I have no way of knowing for sure since--as the whole stinkin' world now knows--I don't have a working relationship with Al Qaeda. But I do know middle eastern men, and we just don't do water very well. In fact, if you look at the statistics, 73% of drowning victims are Arab males.

Well, okay, maybe I made that part up. But the truth of the matter is that we don't have a whole lot experience with H2O. I suppose that's to be expected when you live in the middle of a frikkin' desert surrounded on all four sides by more frikkin' desert. Hell, expecting one of us to take up scuba diving makes about as much sense as thinking that Jamaicans can field an Olympic quality bobsled team.

It's also why middle eastern guys only bathe every two months or so. That's almost as rarely as the French. It's also why we all look so swarthy--and it ain't from sun exposure.

So to think that you're going to teach some poor 19 year old sap from Jordan to swim is just plain nuts. Good luck with that. Seriously You're about as likely to convince him to jump into the water as you are to make him want to strap on explosives and voluntarily go blow himself up.

Hmmm.... On the other hand, I guess we're dumb enough to try anything once.

The temporary seat warmers currently pretending to be 'governing' my country have reasserted their commitment to democracy.

Yeah, right. We'll see how long that lasts.

Look at what's happening in Lebanon. People got all excited when the demonstrators forced Premier Omar Karami to step down. But then Hezbollah stepped in and organized even bigger demonstrations in his favor, and now he's being reinstated!

So much for democracy there, eh? And if the demonstrators keep protesting back and forth, arguing about who's mob is bigger, it's only a matter of time until the whole country slips back into a civil war.

Then there was some sort of democracy thing in Egypt, where some opposition leader was freed from prison and may now run for President. Hey, let me give you a little tip: If you're dumb enough to believe Mubarak is going to give up power just because he loses an election, you're dumb enough to believe Michael Jackson is innocent!!

As I've said before, democracy is a passing fad. It may even work for a little while in some societies. But ultimately despotism will prevail, for people love being told what they can and can't do. Oh, they may not want to admit it, but deep down, they crave discipline and having boundaries set for them.

Kind of like teenagers.

Longtime reader, renown legal scholar, and faithful sniveling follower Tung Yin writes:

"Hey Saddam, that bin Laden guy has told that al Zarqawi guy to concentrate on attacking the U.S. directly. Doesn't that mean that Mr. Zarqawi won't be trying to get Iraq back for you?"

That is a common misconception, Mr. Yin, and I am grateful you have provided me with an opportunity to address the matter. By the way, forget filing any more briefs on my behalf. I have found boxers to be much more comfortable.

Let me first say that Zarqawi is operating in Iraq as an independent contractor. As such, he is not entitled to any health benefits, vacation time, or overtime pay. Additionally, he is here uninvited. While I don't mean to sound ungrateful, I have to wonder about Mr. Zarqawi's motivations for offering his services. Is he truly fighting for the liberation of Iraq, or is he one of those religious nutcases like Osama bin Laden or Jerry Falwell? Based on some of what Zarqawi has said, I suspect he's the latter.... In other words, he wants to turn my country into another Taliban dominated theocracy.

By the way, in case anyone wants to use him as an example of my ties to terrorists, do I need to point out that Zarqawi is Jordanian? He didn't show up here in Iraq until AFTER the United States invaded.

In an interesting development, President Bush now says that preventing another attack by bin Laden is America's "greatest challenge."

It is? Well, then why did Bush allow himself to get sidetracked by coming after me? Shouldn't he have stayed focused on America's greatest challenge?

Now I will freely admit that I'm not exactly a neutral party in this matter. Having said that, I strongly feel that if the infidels had sent 150,000 troops after bin Laden instead of having them get bogged down in a country that wasn't even a threat, then maybe Al Qaeda wouldn't still be a threat to the entire world.

Iran has accused the United States of "hallucinating" over talks to end its nuclear program. Well, if so, it wouldn't be the first time. The United States has a long history of hallucinations when it comes to the middle east.

In fact, I've long suspected that there's more than just roses growing in the White House rose garden.

______________________________________________________

According to the New York Times, a respected infidel newspaper that allows its reporters to make up stories, the United States intelligence on Iran "is insufficient for making firm judgements."

WHOA!!!!! Is that even possible!?!?! The Bush Administration relying on faulty intelligence!?!?! I'm sorry, but I just find that incredibly hard to believe. America is not the kind of country that would go around making snap decisions based on screwed up, unverifified intelligence. I mean, the ramifications of launching an invasion of a sovereign country based on false evidence would be too great, and no American leader would ever allow such an irresponsible act to take place!

So if the United States says that a country has a nuclear weapons program, well by gosh, it must be true!!!!

Did you happen to see this photo of Condoleezza Rice? It was taken when she and Bush were in Europe a couple of weeks ago. Is it just me, or does she look like some sort of sinister but sexy cross between Darth Vader and a hooker?

Anyway, while you ponder that, her are a couple of great jokes I came across:

AN IRAQI INSURGENT walks into a bar, orders a drink and proposes a toast "to the health of the great George W. Bush."

The bartender is dumbfounded. "How can you -- a murderous, insane, poorly shaved religious fanatic -- drink to the health of a man who embodies everything you oppose: namely, the spread of freedom and liberty and goodness across the globe?"

The filthy swine slaps his forehead. "You are right!" he says. "Forget the drink. I'd better beheading home!"

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Was that a hoot or what? Okay, here's another one:

PRESIDENT BUSH AND TWO ENEMIES OF FREEDOM are on a small airplane when the pilot keels over dead. The plane plummets. There are only two parachutes. The first enemy of freedom grabs one and says, "I need to remain alive so I can continue to ensure that people live in tyranny," and jumps out of the plane. The second evildoer grabs the second parachute and says, "If I die, who will enslave the masses?" and jumps out of the plane.

President Bush says to himself, "Gosh, it's too bad that we are over the ocean and those fellows are going to drown." Then, utilizing the skills he learned when defending our country in the National Guard, he takes over the controls himself and brings the plane down safely on an island. Chuckling softly, he says, "Mission accomplished."

Did you get it? Mission accomplished!!! HAHAHAHA!!!! when I read that one, I about peed my pants! Here's one last one, short but cute:

I JUST FLEW IN FROM BAGHDAD, where I have been commanding thousands of brave troops who are fighting day and night to spread liberty across the globe, and, boy, are my armies tired!

And I'll leave you with this one last photo, taken when Bush stopped in Bratislava during his European tour last month. I think the lettering on the wall pretty will sums things up:

In what appears to be a historic first, a blogger was invited to attend a White House Press briefing this morning. The honor fell to an infidel named Garrett M. Graff, the writer of a Washington based site known as Fishbowl DC.

How odd! I wonder why I wasn't invited?

For the last month the people of Italy have followed with great interest the story of Giuliana Sgrena, a female Italian journalist kidnapped by insurgents just over a month ago. The kidnappers demanded that the Prime Minister of Italy withdraw the 3000 troops that were stationed here in Iraq. He was keeping those soldiers here despite widespread opposition from his own citizens. Now if it had been me, I wouldn't have cared what the stupid people thought. But public opinion matters a lot in democracies, which is a fundamental weakness of that horribly flawed form of government.

So it was with great relief that the Italian people and their President learned of Sgrena's release yesterday. I don't know why she was let go, but her release was negotiated by Nicola Calipari, an Italian intelligence official.

So what happens on their way to the airport? As they approached a checkpoint, American soldiers opened fire on the vehicle. Calipari, instead of diving for cover, instead threw himself on top of Sgrena to shield her.

His actions got him killed while saving the freed reporter's life, though she was wounded. An accident? Well, yes. But all accidents carry consequences for those responsible.

The repurcussions of this event will be severe. Don't be suprprised if Italy ultimately decides on pulling its troops out of Iraq because of it.

Oh my. Gunmen have killed a member of the illegal tribunal that was set to try me, as well as a lawyer working for the group. This comes just days after that very same tribunal ruled that a number of my top government officials are to be tried on charges of crimes against humanity.

Hmmm.... I'm sure that's just a coincidence.

Incidentally, the number of American troops killed in Iraq has now hit 1500. Meanwhile the man who killed 3000 Americans on September 11, 2001 is not only still on the loose, but continuing to make videos urging his followers to kill even more Americans.

But hey, that's okay. At least I'm in jail, so I guess it's all been worth it.

This democracy thing is getting completely out of hand. Now the entire Lebanese government--which was controlled by the Syrians--has resigned. And you know why? All because a couple of tens of thousands of people were protesting outside their parliament building.

What a bunch of pussies!!! All Prime Minister Omar Karami had to do was send in some tanks to crush a few dozen helpless, unarmed demonstrators and everyone would have fled for their lives. That way, he would still be in power, his government officials would still have jobs, and the Syrians would still be solidly in control of Lebanon. Then Karami could have sent in some political prisoners to clean the blood off the pavement, and everyone would have gone home happy!!!

Hey, it worked for the Chinese at Tiananmen Square!

What the hell is happening to this world of ours? Has it gone mad? Has up become down, down become up, and east become west? What's next? Michael Jackson being acquited of child molestation charges?

I am referring, of course, to the arrest of my half brother--Sabawi Ibrahim al-Hassan--in Syria. Now I could understand him getting arrested in, say, Italy or Spain or Poughkeepsie. But frikkin' Syria!?!?!? I mean, if Syria's going to go all goody-two shoes on us, then where are the world's terrorists supposed to go for sanctuary?

Time was that if you were a notorious bad guy who enjoyed killing innocent civilians and you needed a country to back you up, you could always count on good ol' Syria. But ever since Hafaz al-Assad died a few years ago, the place has been going downhill. And quite frankly, the problem is that stupid son of his.

Bashar took over the country when his old man croaked, which is normally how we do things here in the middle east. But the problem in this case was that Bashar hadn't been properly trained. I mean, the man is a frikkin' opthamologist, for crying out loud!!! That's great if someone needs glasses, but it hardly qualifies a person as a ruthless, bloodthirsty dictator!!!

That's why I was so proud of my own sons. They didn't waste their time going to college and medical school so they give something back to the world! They were spoiled brats who had the run of Iraq, and who could kill anyone who as much as looked at them funny.

Now that's how you properly groom kids to grow up to be despots!!!

In case you missed the story, a recently released tape reveals the American President admitting to past drug use. This comes not from Dan Rather, but a family friend who secretly taped the then Governor Bush in 1998.

Well, that would certainly explain what he was thinking when he decided to invade Iraq.

President Bush continues to encounter protesters in Europe. Most of them are voicing their displeasure at his unlawful, illegal, and highly irregular invasion of my peace loving nation. And for that I am eternally grateful. Really. I'm moved beyond words.

However, I am disturbed by the prescence of a few loudmouths who are demonstrating against Bush because of his opposition to the Kyoto treaty about that greenhouse gas crap. This bothers me because it distracts from a far more important matter: Me and my continued imprisonment on trumped up charges of crimes against humanity.

How many times do I have to explain that they were NOT crimes against humanity? They were crimes against Shiites and Kurds!!! There's a difference!!!

But I digress... What's important--and it pains me to say this--is that I have to agree with Bush on this particular matter. Yes, it's true: I, too, refused to sign the Kyoto Accords.

The treaty would have seriously cramped my style. Setting entire oil fields on fire releases tens of thousands of tons of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, and we would have quickly exceeded the limits imposed on us by the Kyoto treaty.

And quite frankly, blowing up oil fields was half the fun of invading Kuwait!

President Bush is in Europe and he's busy calling for unity.

Isn't that kind of like closing the barn door after the camels have gotten out?

Did you hear about Mullah Mohammed Naeem? He's some Taliban leader they caught in Afghanistan.

But Saddam, I hear many of you asking. We thought you didn't have any 'meaningful relationships' with the Taliban. What gives?

Excellent question, Mr. Italics. And I still don't have any 'meaningful relationships' with them. Just because I'm mentioning them in a blog entry should in no way be misconstrued as proof of the contacts Cheney kept blathering about last fall during that stupid election campaign.

No, the only reason I bring this story up is because I found it to be absolutely hilarious. Naeem was arrested by Afghan troops who found him--get this--hiding in a well!!!

Oh, right....

I mean, how frikkin' pathetic is that!?! What kind of leader tries to hide from his enemies by crawling into a hole in the ground!?!?!?!

In a surprise move, President Bush has nominated his ambassador to Iraq, John Negroponte, as the United States' new head of intelligence. Quite frankly, I never thought very highly of Negroponte, but he has proven himself to be quite smart.

After all, he had enough sense to get the hell out of Iraq!



P.S.
Back on Feb. 5, I posted a cartoon by Ruben Oppenheimer. Mr. Oppenheimer himself saw the posting and was kind enough to send a color version of the same cartoon, which I have since posted. I guess this just goes to prove that not all infidels are mean-spirited warmongers hellbent on invading poor, defenseless countries that would never harm a sandfly.

Well, unless it was a Shiite sandfly, of course....

New allegations of prisoner abuse have surfaced at Guantananmo Bay, but with a twist: Supposedly, female interrogators were using sexually suggestive methods to get information from the inmates. The women would do things like rub up against the detainees, sit in their laps, and wear skimpy clothes.

If true, these new allegations are absolutely outrageous!!!!

How come I've never been questioned like that!?!?!

Damn Shiites....

Sometimes I am amazed by the kind of scams people come up with. And no, I'm not referring to my oil for food deal.

I'm referring to some of the internet based scams that are out there. The best known of those are the ones those stupid Nigerians send out. You know the ones: "Hi, I'm Moumbuttu Ugambawamba, and I am trying to smuggle $17 million out of my country. Can you help me? Just send me your checking account information." Needless to say, I started to get a little suspicious after we fell for that one a few dozen times.

In fact, you know all those billions of dollars I and my sons supposedly looted from Iraq's national treasury? Well.... We, uh, didn't.

That's right. Those damn Nigerians got it all. Every last dinar. Stupid Uday gave them our account numbers, and the next thing we knew, POOF!! The whole damn country was broke.

I bring this up only because now there's a new version of the scam floating around, and this one involves American soldiers trying to smuggle millions of dollars out of Iraq. The only problem is that it's not true.

I'm not sure who's behind this new con job, but I don't think it's the Nigerians. The grammar in the email is much too good for them. But I do have a theory: It's Bush! That's right, Bush!

It's his latest attempt to fund Social Security.

Longtime readers will know that I'm not a sentimental kind of guy. In fact, if there's one thing I detest more than Kurds and Shiites, it's sappy, overly sentimental stories.

Nonetheless, I recognize that some of you weenies may enjoy such worthless drivel. Therefore I thought I would share an article about something that happened during Bush's State of the Union address the other evening.

Now if any of you women readers want to cry, fine. Go ahead. But if I catch any of you guy readers with so much as a tear in your eye, rest assured I will personally rip the testicles from your body. Real men don't cry, so if you do start sobbing like a girl, it will be obvious that you have no use for balls.

So here's the story: Seated next to Laura Bush during the speech was Janet Norwood, who recently lost a son in Iraq. And seated behind her was some Iraqi chick named Safia al-Souhail. Now some of you may wonder why Safia was there. Well, apparently I killed her father a few year's ago. And the Bush people, desperate to justify their invasion of Iraq, decided to trot her out onto national TV.

Did I kill her father? Hell, I don't know. It's not like I kept track of all the people I had killed. After all, I was busy running a country--a country free of all WMD's, I might add--so it's not like I could be expected to keep track of such mundane details as the names of people I had put to death. I mean, if we had to fill out a damn form every time we executed someone, we'd never have had time to oppress the masses.

Needless to say, at some key moment, the two women--one who lost her father, and another who lost her son--decided to hug.... And my own public approval ratings suddenly went in the toilet.

______________________________________________________

President Bush is delivering his annual State of the Union address even as I write this, but I have decided to skip it. Unless he is prepared to admit that he was wrong, I was right, and that the United States government is prepared to offer $500 billion in damages to Iraq, then there's is absolutely nothing he could say that would be of interest to me.

I'm sure, however, that instead of taking responsibility for his actions, the President is instead going off on another of his "Freedom on the March" delusions. Freedom is NOT on the march, folks. It is in full retreat from the superior forces of despotism and tyranny, which are the wave of the future.

Now I'm sure some of you think ol' Saddam is cracking up again. Go ahead, admit it. Raise your hands if you think I'm nuts....

Okay, thanks. You may put your hands down now, and take a few minutes to prepare your last wills and testaments. I can't believe you idiots were stupid enough to openly disagree with me!

Anyway, Bush and a few of his fellow western leaders continue to believe that freedom and democracy will continue to dominate the world. The fact is, however, that more and more ordinary citizens are beginning to realize that government oppression is actually much more efficient. For example, some fancy American foundation recently conducted a survey of high school students and their feelings about the First Amendment.

What they found was quite revealing: 36% of them believe that newspapers should get government approval of stories before publishing them. Additionally, 32% of those surveyed said that the press enjoys too much freedom in the United States.

It gives me hope to know that the future of the United States is in such capable hands!!

I have long maintained that the Iraqi people are kind of stupid and secretly crave for a despot to rule them. If any of you have ever doubted me on this point, you need only look at yesterday's election results to see that I'm right.

Despite the constant risk of instant or near-instant death from snipers, exploding cars, suicide bombers, kidnappers, terrorists, crashing helicopters, friendly fire incidents, scorpions, tarantulas, rabid camels, and the stench of decaying corpses littering the streets, 60% of my citizens turned out to vote. Can you believe THAT!?!?! All they had to do was stay at home behind their locked doors, and everything would have been fine. But instead of playing it safe, 60% of Iraqis ventured out, risking life and limb, to vote.

It's just plain embarrassing. Makes me ashamed to admit I used to rule these fools. Seriously: What the hell were they thinking? Didn't they have any idea how dangerous it was to leave home?

All I can think of is that these people were so eager to see me return to power that they wanted to rush down to their local polling places and vote for me!! Yes, that must be it! It's the only possible logical explanation!

It's truly wonderful to be so beloved by your citizens.... (sniff!)

Well, here we are on the eve of Iraq's "Free and Open Elections, Provided You Don't Count the Constant Sense of Imminent Death Awaiting Anyone Stupid Enough to Actually Cast a Ballot." Okay, so maybe that's not QUITE how President Bush describes it, but it's certainly more accurate.

The insurgents have been stepping up their attacks on election workers and polling places, so it's unclear how a lot of the idiots who do venture out will vote. Don't you need someone to physically take your ballot, or some sort of building to house the voting booths? And by "building," I mean an actual structure with exterior walls, a roof, and at least one internal room.... As opposed to a pile of smoldering bricks?

In another bit of good news, the occupiers have caught three of Al-Zarqawi's top lieutenants. Now some of you may be wondering why I would consider that to be good news. Well, the fact is, that guy scares the hell out of me! I mean, yeah, I suppose I Should be grateful that he's trying to drive the infidels from my country, but who the hell invited him? It sure wasn't me!

The fact is that my loyalists are perfectly capable of driving the infidels out of Iraq. We don't need help from any outsiders who have their own separate agendas. I'm no fool; Zarqawi is NOT looking to restore me to my rightful place of power. He's another of those religious whackos who wants to set up some sort of Islamic dictatorship like they had in Afghanistan.

So if the occupiers manage to eliminate Zarqawi, that would be great! It would be one less thing for me to have to clean up when I return to power.

First, let me apologize for not posting for the last several days. I had the flu, and I blame the stupid Americans for it. It seems they didn't have enough vaccine to go around! Can you believe it? The richest country in the world running out of flu shots?!?! And I had to pay the price for their incompetence!! Anyway, obviously I couldn't be crawling through the ceiling to the general's office while coughing and sneezing and hocking up mouthfuls of phlegm. Someone might have heard me.

Now, onto more important matters...As you have no doubt heard, Condoleezza Rice's nomination for Secretary of State is starting to run into some serious opposition. Democrats are questioning if she can be a truly independent representative of the United States, or if she is blindly beholden to the President.

The strongest words against Rice have come from California's (obviously a blue state) Barbara Boxer, who has repeatedly accused Rice of lying and misleading the American people. In response, the Secretary of State nominee said she didn't appreciate anyone "impugning my credibility or my integrity."

Needless to say, I briefly held out hopes for a good old fashioned catfight, but it was not to be.

I don't think anyone is trying to impugne her credibility and/or integrity. The real problem is that she has neither credibility nor integrity to begin with!! If one does not posses certain qualities, those qualities can not be impugned! Am I right, or as usual, am I right?

You're damn right I'm right!

One more point: I don't know what kind of dental benefit plan Rice has, but she needs to seriously see about getting a new orthodontist.

President Bush has been sworn in for a second term. Judging by the below photo, he continues to enjoy widespread support and unprecedented admiration among the American people. Why, he's probably every bit as beloved by his citizens as I was by mine!

---------------Sent in by a T. Paine, from U.S. News

Well, things here in Iraq are certainly looking up.... For the insurgency, I mean. Attacks on poll workers are up, kidnappings are up, and car bombings are up. If things were any more up, the place would explode like a nuclear bomb!

Er, not that we have any of those, which we don't. We never did. Got that? No nuclear bombs here. If you want nukes, you need to look next door in IraN. They're the guys who spell their country's name with an "N" instead of a "Q."

But I digress.... The closer Iraq gets to the elections, the more dangerous it becomes. And what exactly is the point of having them? The vast majority of the people will be afraid to go to the polls. And those the brave fools do decide to cast a ballot won't have a clue of who they're voting for. That's because most of the candidates have been afraid to campaign, or even give their names! So no one even knows who's running!

Plus the people that do show up are going to have to park a mile away since no one will be able to park near the polling places. No one wants to walk that far to vote, only to then get back to your car to discover it's now a smoldering pile of twisted scrap metal because you parked next to a truck bomb! Do you have any idea what all these suicide bombers are doing to car insurance rates in Baghdad? Believe me, you don't want to know.

This election is just way too complicated to succeed. At least when I was running things, and it came time for elections, you knew exactly who to vote for: ME!! I was the only name on the ballot, so people didn't have to worry about complicated choices or the candidates' positions on stuff like social security and the arctic wildlife refuge. One choice and one vote: what could be simpler than that?

Ah, the good old days....

When it became obvious that I didn't have any stinkin' WMD's--even the respected Russian news organization Pravda now says I had been telling the truth all along--Bush had to come up with new reasons to justify the invasion. He even went as far as to create a new cabinet level position, the Secretary of the Department of Excuses for Invading Peace Loving Nations That Have Never Done Anything Bad Except for Occasionally Invading Smaller Neighbors (EIPLNTHNDABEOISN). One of EIPLNTHNDABEOISN's more noble sounding reasons was the thing about making the world safer.

So.... Has deposing me (temporarily, of course) made the world safer from terrorists?

Well, according to a brand new CIA report, the answer to that question is a big fat stinkin' "No." In fact, Iraq has become the new breeding ground for the next generation of "professionalized" international terrorists. Not amateur terrorists, mind you, but professionalized ones.

What makes this even more hilarious is that previously the training ground was Afghanistan, which was somewhat remote and difficult to get to. But now, all these future terrorists are being trained right smack dab in the middle of the middle east, where it will be much easier for them to go back home to their oil-rich countries of Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, the Emirates, and Bahrain. Once there, they can use their newly honed skills against their own governments, which are currently chummy with the United States.

Well, President Bush kept insisting that Iraq was a haven for terrorists. Guess he FINALLY turned out to be right.

Congratulations!!!

The infidel American newswoman Barbara Walters is interviewing President Bush tonight, and I plan to watch it. I'm sure she'll have a lot of questions about Iraq, and there's one in particular I'm hoping she'll ask: "Mr. President, when you decided to invade Iraq, what the f*ck were you thinking?"

But I'm not holding my breath.

The United States has finally OFFICIALLY called off the search for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Actually, they did so a few weeks ago, but I guess they didn't want to draw a lot of attention to the fact that their entire reason for invading my country has now gone down the toilet.

That's the sort of embarassment you don't want to draw a whole lot of attention to.... Especially when you're preparing for your second inauguration.

There's wonderful news out of Britain today! Support for the Iraq war among the English has dropped to a record low!!! Only 29% of the British people think invading me was the right thing to do.

Coincidentally, a new study has found that 29% of the Bitish people are morons.

There's more talk that the increasing levels of violence, coupled with a Sunni boycott of the voting, will render the upcoming elections meaningless.

This time, however, there's a new twist: The Association of Muslim Scholars, a Sunni group which has been calling for the boycott, has offered to drop that order provided the United States sets a definitive date for the withdrawl of the occupying troops. Bush has refused to set such a date in the past, and I personally don't see any reason why he would now.

A funny thing happened near Mosul yesterday. The Americans dropped a 500 pound bomb on the wrong frikkin' house!! Yep, that's one way to gain the love, trust, and admiration of the people you are trying to help.

Then again, maybe I shouldn't be so critical of the infidel occupiers. After all, silly mistakes do happen.

In fact, I remember this one time a few years back when I told my cousin, Chemical Ali, to gas the Kurds (this was back when I still had WMD's, which as the whole world now knows, I no longer do). I noticed that he looked a bit puzzled, but he saluted and said he would do it immediately.

So what does he do? He attacks the sewage treatment plant.

Turns out he thought I told him to gas the turds!!!!

Many of you have no doubt been asking yourselves, Hey Saddam, what did you think of that tsunami? We would ask you in person, but we're afraid we would get blown up on the way to visit you.

Let me first say that I can understand your concerns. It's not safe out there any more, and your blithering cowardice makes me want to heave my guts in the safety of my prison cell. Beyond that, I'm of course opposed to tsunamis of mass destruction.

Now don't get me wrong: It's not that I don't like the death and mayhem they unleash in their path. In fact, I'm rather jealous of them in that regard! Do you have any idea how many Shiites a properly directed tidal wave could kill? Too bad we live in a frikkin' desert.

Nor does the financial cost of its devastation concern me. I am confident that if such a calamity had befallen Iraq when I was in power, the world would have put aside its differences with me, and provided my country with billions and billions of dollars in aid.... Most of which I would have then pocketed for myself.

No, what I am most concerned about is that this stupid tsunami has pushed Iraq off the front pages of the world's newspapers.

Iraqi interim Prime Minister Ayad Allawi, whose sole task is to stay alive while keeping my seat warm, continues to insist that the elections will take place at the end of this month. This, despite stepped up violence throughout the country. In fact, just in the last day, there have been three more suicide bombings.

That raises an interesting question: How come you never hear about any veteran suicide bombers?

Anyway, Allawi goes on to say that once the elections are held, the violence will drop off. He does NOT say why he thinks this will happen, or whether he also believes in the tooth fairy and the Easter Bunny.

When my sons were killed, it was predicted that the violence would diminish; it didn't.

After I was captured, the experts said the insurgency would die down; it didn't.

It was expected that after the transfer of power last June, the resistance would die; again, it didn't.

So then why would elections make a difference? It will only get worse, especially since many of the Sunni parties have dropped out of the running. And regardless of whether they participate in the voting or not, there's no way the Sunni population will allow themselves to be governed by Shiites.

In a surprise development, President Bush may be joining the real world. He has finally admitted that the insurgents are "having an effect."

An effect!?!? Give me a break!!!! That's like saying a tsunami can have "an effect" on a beach umbrella.

If Bush is finally starting to admit that things in Iraq aren't exactly quite hunky-dory, then you know the United States is in serious trouble.

And if that's not bad enough, a new poll shows that 56% of Americans now believe invading me was a mistake. This is significant, because this is the first time a majority of the American people have disagreed with Bush on this topic.

One of the major Sunni parties has announced that it is pulling out of next month's elections because it's too dangerous for the candidates. This, of course, only serves to further call into question the legitimacy of any future election results. The Sunnis will refuse to accept rule by a Shiite majority government, and the Shiites will argue that it's not their fault the Sunnis pulled out. The arguments will go back and forth, getting louder with each change, until a car bomb goes off and shuts everyone up.

And now even Bin Laden is getting involved, a move I'm not too thrilled about. Cheney's only going to take advantage of Binny's latest tape as proof that he and I had serious ties. That, of course, is utter nonsense. As I've said many times before, bin Laden's a self-righteous prick who's always trying to appease Allah. "I love you Allah," he's always saying. "I'm going to serve you gloriously by having someone other than me martyr themselves for you." Yeah, yeah. Put a sock in it, Osama.

My only concerns, on the other hand, are consolidating power, increasing my collection of gold toilets, maintaining the desire to wish to eventually possibly acquire weapons of mass destruction sometime in the distant future, and getting laid.

What could be more noble than that?

Disturbing news out of New York.... It seems my ex wife Liza Minelli has been hospitalized after falling out of bed.

What? You didn't know I had been married to her? Oh, sure! The marriage broke up when she caught me in bed with the Dixie Chicks.... All three of them.... Simultaneously.

Liza could be a fun person when sober, but she could turn meaner than a rabid scorpion when she drank too much. You know her most recent husband, David Gest, complained that she used to beat him? People laughed, but that's no joke.

There was many a time that I would come home after a long day of gassing the Kurds only to discover that Liza had been in the liquor cabinet again. Then we would start arguing about something, and the next thing I know, I'm running for my life down the street in my underwear, screaming for the Republican Guard to calm her down!

According to Isaiah Wilson III, the United States invaded me without any kind of formal plan for "stabilizing and occupying" my country. And it's this initial failure that continues to cause problems for the Americans in their efforts to rebuild Iraq. He goes on to characterize the U.S. military's performance here as "mediocre," explaining that they have failed to properly adapt to the current situation.

Now I know what some of you are saying: "Who is this Wilson guy? Is he one of Michael Moore's buddies? Another loudmouth fan of the Dixie Chicks? Who is this liberal know-it-all who dares criticize the leadership of America!?!"

Well, I'm not sure if he knows the esteemed Mr. Moore, or what Wilson's musical tastes may be. Perhaps he likes the Dixie Chicks, or maybe he's more of a Lynard Skynard type of guy. Who knows? Who even cares?

I can tell you that Mr. Wilson is a major in the United States army, and in the spring of 2003 he was part of the Army's Operation Iraqi Freedom Study Group. Then from July of last year to this past April he was chief war planner for the 101st Airborne Division. Next year he will be teaching at West Point.

I'd say that gives the man some credibility, wouldn't you?

American Secretary of Infidel Invasions Donald Rumsfeld was in Iraq today for a surprise visit. This really shouldn't surprise anyone. The way things have been going for him lately, he probably felt safer here than back in Washington!

In fact, the latest Republican Senator to question his competence was Trent Lott. That's significant because Lott is from Mississippi, which has a lot of defense related industry. Lott would therefore be risking retaliation from Rumsfeld unless, of course, he feels that the Secretary's days are numbered.

And I'm guessing Rumsfeld's Humvee just happened to be heavily armored....

In other news, an American company that had been rebuilding bridges has announced it is pulling out because Iraq is too dangerous for its people. The company, Contrack International, didn't have that many employees here, so in and of itself it's not a big deal. However, it will be interesting to see if anyone else decides to bail out now that someone else has become the first to go.

On a Serious Note....
Jeremy Redmon is a reporter with the Richmond Times-Dispatch and is embedded with the 276th Engineer Battalion, based in Richmond, VA. The 276th is one of the units which lost troops in the Mosul attack yesterday. Redmon has prepared a firsthand account of the blast and its immediate aftermath.

If I still had the authority to do such things, I would give that interim Prime Minister guy a couple of medals. What's his name? Right, Ayad Allawi,

First, I'd give him some sort of award for still being alive. Quite frankly, I'm surprised he's made this far! It's a good thing I'm not a betting man, because I would have lost a bundle on that wager!

The second award would be something along the lines of "The Medal for Virtuous Service While Pointing Out The F*cking Obvious." That would be in recognition of his recent observation that the insurgents are trying to incite a civil war.

Well, DUH!!!! This guy is every bit as sharp as a pile of camel crap molded into the shape of bowling ball! No wonder the Bush Administration likes him! He fits right in with the rest of them!

Quite frankly, any sane (which rules out Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld) observer can readily see that the civil war is already here. You've got Iraqis killing Iraqis left and right. Just the other day, over 60 died in a series of carbombings. Plus, you had the three election workers that were dragged out of their car yesterday and killed in the middle of a highway. That's the sort of thing that usually only happens in Florida!

The carbombings took place deep in Shiite territory, and were undoubtedly the work of Sunnis. It's only a matter of time before the Shiites decide enough is enough and strike back.

Kind of makes one long for the good old days when all Iraqis had to worry about about political prisons and torture chambers.

Does anyone know how I can get listed here?