I never did get a chance to go to the store. Between the shrapnel, fireballs, flying body parts, and collapsing buildings, it just wasn't safe to venture out. But even in here, I couldn't sleep because of the racket. And when I don't get enough sleep, I get cranky. And when I get cranky, I gas the Kurds. That has never failed to make me feel better when I'm feeling down.

But now I can't even do that! The phone lines have been cut, and my cellphone doesn't seem to work right either. Damn Verizon people deserve to be taken out and shot. Or did I do that last month....? No, no... I'm thinking of the Microsoft Tech Support team that was stationed here in Baghdad. Those people DEFINITELY deserved to be shot.

The Verizon people will be next, assuming I can eventually dig my way out of this bunker. Every time I try calling someone, all I get is this annoying voice that says, "Hey Saddam, can you hear us now.....? Good."

I knew I should have gone with T-Mobile. That Catherine Zeta-Jones is hot.