A number of people in recent days have asked me, "Saddam, how do you keep going in the face of certain defeat and probable death, all the while maintaining the absolutely prepostorous delusion that you're going to win this thing?"

Being a nice guy, I let them in on my secret: Lots of Prozac, mixed with a special cocktail of LSD and amphetamines, washed down by lots of alcohol.

Then I shoot them for being insolent.