With Uday dead and Qusoy missing. I am in need of new sons. And since my loins don't function as well as they used to, it would be best if I adopted. Ideally, it should be someone who shares many of my own personal values and can be further molded into a person who would be worthy of carrying on the good name of Saddam Hussein. I believe I have found such a person, a teenager named J. Ryan Trimble.

I was deeply moved by his woeful tale of persecution, and have already contacted an adoption agency. With him at my side, we shall retake Iraq and conquer the United States.

I just hope he's not into that video game crap. There's too much work to do reconstructing our mighty armies.