Wednesday, May 07, 2003

An inquisitive infidel known only as y2niko asks: First off, belated happy birthday (how many camels did u have to "do" for your birthday?). Ok, to my main question,I've been hearing rumors about this, but is it true that the beloved iraqi information minister(M.S.S.) is trying to negotiate his surrender to americans for quite a while now? it's just too bad that M.S.S. hasn't seen any american soldiers in Baghdad so he can't surrender to anyone. Don't you feel jealous of all the attention/publicity M.S.S. is getting that should be aimed to you? Come on, he's a well known celebrity now, and you're still a tyrant... not fair, eh?

HA!! Au contraire, as my beloved French friends would say. I am beyond such petty emotions as jealousy. Jealousy implies insecurity, and I have no reason to be insecure. Well, okay, I have been holed up in this stinkin' bathroom stall for some ten days now, but that's a totally, completely, and absolutely temporary situation until I return to power, conquer the world, and marry the Dixie Chicks.

y2niko also implies--rather insolently, I might add--that being a celebrity is somehow better than being a tyrant. Nothing (with the possible exception of my (alleged) weapons of mass destruction, I mean) could be further from the truth!!!! Being a celebrity is meaningless! You have no actual power. Can Brad Pitt invade a neighboring country? NO! Can Britney Spears launch missiles at Israel? NO!! Can Leonardo DeCaprio gas the damn Kurds when he gets bored? NO!! So what good it is being a mere celebrity?

But being a tyrant, on the other hand, carries all the benefits of celebrityhood--fame, fortune, fine hotel rooms, free sex, appearances on magazine covers, getting away with murder, etc) PLUS you have real, honest to goodness, actual POWER!!! You can do so much more when you're a well respected and widely feared tyrant! Provided, of course, you don't screw up by misjudging the resolve of your enemies.

Look at Khruschev.... 40 years ago he makes an appearance at the UN and bangs his shoe on the table. You think Jennifer Lopez could get away with that kind of behavior? Well, yeah, I suppose with that ass she could get away with anything....

But that's not my point. What I'm getting at is that being a tyrant guarrantees one fame AND power. Being a celebrity merely brings empty, meaningless fame.

So I wish my former Minister of Misinformation well. I know he's keeping busy with his two blogs, which you can find to your left. And if he wishes to surrender to the Americans, that's fine by me. He's always been something of a wimp. In fact, back in high school, I used to steal his lunch money. Besides, his imprisonment would only be temporary till I once again march triumphantly through the streets of Baghdad.

Besides, being the center of attention is NOT all that it's cracked up to be. Believe me; I should know.