Friday, May 30, 2003

Newttheboot, presumably no relation to gingrichthegrinch, writes: Dear Saddam, Fox News reports that your dead son Uday is attempting to negotiate his surrender to the US forces. More distrurbing, however, is their statement about you where they say: "the deposed leader is in questionable mental health." Of course, we are all very concerned. Would you care to comment? Best regards, Newton (Not a Shiite).

Yes, Newt, I am aware of those erroneous reports. They actually originated with the the New York Times, which explains why they are completely false. I would like to assure all my many supporters and fellow members of the Michael Moore Fan Club that Uday is still mostly dead, and that there are no problems with my mental health. I'm every bit as insane as I ever was, and still prone to violent outbursts of anger during which I kill everyone around me. Perhaps you are confusing me with another evil murderous despot, Idi Amin. Now he IS crazy SOB. It's that Syphillis of his, which has been eating away at his brain for decades now.

Now let ME ask YOU a question, Mr.Newttheboot: What in Allah's name are you doing watching Fox News?!? Are YOU crazy. or are you going to blame your unforgivable actions on Mad Cow Disease caught from eating Canadian beef?!? Unless you IMMEDIATELY correct this aberrant behavior, I shall have to come over to your house and dump a bucketful of scorpions down the front of your shorts. Those people on Fox are all warmongers!! Especially those psychopaths Geraldo and Bill O'Reilly. I don't know what their problem is. Maybe they have Syphillis.

I will admit, however, that I do sometimes sneak a peak at Fox when that Greta Van Susteren is on. Now she's one HOT babe! Maybe I should get the number of her plastic surgeon.... Anyway, she's hotter than a flaming pile of Shiites in the desert under the noonday sun! But I bet Greta smells better.

So please, PLEASE.... Only Al-Jazeera from now on. Okay?