If there is one person in this world I feel truly sorry for (besides myself, I mean), it is that American wench Martha Stewart. Have you heard the latest on her? As you probably know, her name came up in some insider trading scandal--whatever that means--last year. That stock was for a company call ImClone, which has had supposedly come out with some great anti-cancer drug. Then it turned out the drug wasn't that great, and their price went in the toilet. The company's President, who had no doubt been dipping his brush in Martha's paint can, tipped her off just before the stock plunged.

Got that?

Well, NOW comes word that ImClone's drug DOES work against some types of cancer! But do you hear the Securities & Exchange Commission apologizing to Miss Stewart? No, of course not! But this really shouldn't surprise anyone, because the Americans NEVER apologize!! Have you heard Bush go on national TV and say, "Good evening my fellow Americans. We were wrong. May God bless Saddam Hussein. Good night." Nope. Hasn't happened. Probably won't either (and don't EVEN get me started about poor O.J.).

So I know just how hard it must be for Martha to have had her good name wrongly dragged through the mud, only to have no one care once it is cleared.

Now I know what some of you are thinking: Here's comes the part where that flirt Saddam starts hitting on Martha Stewart. Well, you would be wrong, Infidel-Breath!!! While I admire her as a take-charge type person, I do have my standards. And at 61 years old, well, she's a little past her prime. Besides, I'm soon going to have my hands full with the Dixie Chicks.

Dixie Chicks or Marth Stewart....? Dixie Chicks or Martha Stewart....? Do you really have to think about which to woo? I hope not.

This is in no way meant to disparage Miss Stewart. She is a very talented woman, and I can still make use of her talents. Allah knows my palaces are in SERIOUS need of work!!!