Pentagon Spokesperson Victoria Clarke has announced she is resigning.

This is terrible news, and highly inconsiderate of her!! She really should have cleared her decision with me first.

Now I am left with a vacancy on the Nine of Diamonds in my deck of "America's Most Wanted," which will soon be offered for sale via an intense spam campaign. It's going to cost a fortune to change the order at this late date. On the other hand, I could just threaten to shoot the printers.....

Incidentally, my deck will have 87 cards in it. And you know what that means, right?

Uh-huh: Mine's bigger than theirs!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!

Hopefully Miss Clarke left a forwarding address. I was planning to ask her out.