Today was the 35th anniversery of the coup that brought my Baath party into power. People sometimes ask me what Iraq was like before that happened. "Yo, Saddam," they'll say, "What was Iraq like before that happened?"

Well, it wasn't pretty. Personal hygiene was virtually non-existent since there were no Baaths. But when we took over, we instituted a series of reforms requiring people to take a Baath every two weeks whether they needed to or not. Needless to say, that made a huge difference in our air quality. Well, that, AND the introduction of the catalytic converter.

Anyway, my henchmen--the ones still alive, at any rate--decided to throw me a surprise party. And boy, was it a SURPRISE!! In fact, I was so surprised that I thought it was a coalition raid of some sort!!! I shot four people and beheaded two others before I realized what was going on. Then the survivors and I had a big laugh!

I ended up getting some really great gifts: Several boxes of chocolates, some very pretty flowers, a bottle of wine (French, of course), a blender, three bazookas, and a rocket propelled grenade launcher.

It was all very sweet.

----------Mike Luckovich, Atlanta Journal-Constitution