Thursday, August 14, 2003

Charles Taylor has left Liberia and gone into exile in Nigeria. What an unbelievable, colossal, unmitigated, gigantic pussy!!!

When the going got tough, did I go into exile!?! NO!! Of course not!! Exile is for wimps! I stuck to my guns right here at home!

Well, okay, technically I made everyone ELSE stick to THEIR guns in a suicidal attempt to defend against the Americans while I hid in a bunker, but that's besides the point. I mean, someone HAD to stay behind the lines, supervise our defense, and clean out the bank vaults, right?

What IS important, however, is that I didn't flee my homeland for another country. And while the Americans are claiming victory, that's purely a temporary situation.

Taylor should have simply left his capital, Monrovia, but gone into hiding elsewhere in his country. I mean, give me a break!! If I can hide in the middle of a flat frikkin' desert, surely he can hide in a jungle full of trees and vines and all kinds of other such crap. Granted, I imagine you would have to watch out for man-eating lions and poisonous snakes, but aside from that, hiding for him should have been a breeze!

Then periodically he could have released audiotapes inspiring his supporters and mocking his pursuers! And believe me, when it comes to hobbies, that's a lot more satisfying than something stupid like gardening.... Especially in a desert. You ever trying growing tomatos in bone dry sand under a 60 (celsius) degree sun? Doesn't work, pal.

Taylor would have done well with a recording contract. Everyone knows those people have a real sense of rhythm!

Look at Osama and me! Or is it Osama and I? Whichever it is, we're having a blast! In fact, Sony Music is coming out with a new, digitally remastered 5 CD box set called "Osama and Saddam: The Combined Taunts."

It'll be out in time for Ramadan, so be sure to look for it.