Saturday, September 06, 2003

You'll never guess who I just bumped into.... Donald Rumsfeld!! That's right, the American Secretary of Unlawful Occupations of Innocent Peace Loving Nations himself. Right here in Tikrit!!

I had gone out to a nearby Starbucks--or what's left of it--to get my usual venti vanilla latte when I thought the guy in front of looked familiar: Flared nostrils with smoke pouring from them, pointy ears, horns, sharp tail, and a pitchfork. Just like in those press briefings!

So we started talking about the weather, sports, ongoing acts of sabotage, Britney Spears' clothing shortage, etc..... Then he reminded me that "there's a $25 million reward for Saddam's capture." That's when I realized he didn't recognize me!! Is that hilarious, or what? I don't know if it was all this mascara I'm wearing, or the wig, or the silicone breast implants, but he had NO idea how close he was to becoming a rich man.

I thanked him for "liberating us" (while trying really hard not to laugh), and then we parted ways. Oh, and when no one was looking.... I taped a piece of paper that says "Kick me--I'm an infidel" to his back.

Heard him yelling "OUCH!! OUCH!!" as I drove off in my '73 Vega.