As it turns out, the troubles now plaguing the illegal occupiers of my homeland should NOT have come as a surprise to anyone! The United States State Department had spent a year and $5 million preparing a report that predicted uncontrolled looting, problems restoring electricity, and strong resistance to the occupation. Rumsfeld and the rest of the brass at the Pentagon poo-pooed the idea, however, and instead predicted unbridled joy and jubilation among my sheep, er, "people" at their liberation.

How many times do I have to explain this: Democracy will not work in Iraq (actually, Democracy is a failed concept; I shall address this point later). If presented with freedom, they will immediately begin stealing anything that's not nailed down, as well as killing one another. They need a brutal dictator to keep their passions in check.

And the Iraqi people understand this. They may bitch & moan, but deep down, they appreciate my brutal control of their lives. It's much simpler to go about one's daily routines when someone else dictates what that routine will be.

And now they miss me.

I just hope you Americans are pleased with yourselves.