Tuesday, October 07, 2003

I have come up with a new poll. Now please don't misunderstand me: I still don't give a camel's ass what you think.... in general. On the other hand, I have watched with keen interest the difficulties you Americans have had in restoring order in Iraq. And if there's one thing I've learned from this embarassing fiasco, it's that you absolutely have to win the hearts and minds of the people you plan to rule.... THEN you abuse the hell out of them.

Consequently, I would like to determine what is important to the average infidel in the street.

In the meantime, here are the preliminary results for "Who would you like to see elected President of the United States in 2004?" Not that THESE results really matter, you understand....

Me (combined total)-------------------------62

John Kerry-------------------------------------03

Wesley Clark----------------------------------16

The Dixie Chicks, provided they deliver

their State of the Union addresses in

their underwear------------------------------44

Micheal Moore (combined total)-----------09

Howard Dean (combined total)------------06

A fully clothed Hillary Clinton---------------08

As you can see, I am the overwhelming favorite among Americans, according to this highly scientific unbiased poll of my fan base. However, the strong showing by the Dixie Chicks indicates that a sizeable percentage of you people, while solidly unamerican, are also sexual deviants. But that's cool; I kind of identify with you.