Friday, October 03, 2003

I have to admit I'm beginning to admire Bush for his stubborness. Even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, he continues to insist I "was a danger to the world." In what way? Manufacturing spitballs of mass destruction? Hocking up loogies onto sidewalks? What else am I supposed to do with my excess phlegm?

Yesterday Bush's own chief weapons inspector, David Kay, testified to congress that no weapons of mass destruction have been found in Iraq. In fact, the only violation of any kind he has uncovered thus far is a missile we were developing that exceeded illegally imposed range limits.

Well, excu-u-u-u-se me!!! Slap me on the wrist and send me to bed without my supper! The fact is that missile's design was a mistake! Really!! I would never, ever intentionally deceive the United Nations! There was a mathematical mistake involving the conversion of kilometers into miles. But that's what I get for hiring former NASA rocket scientists....

Bush needs to just admit he was wrong and put this whole thing behind him. He should go on National TV this Sunday night--preferably AFTER The Simpsons--and say,

"My fellow Americans.... I f*cked up. Good night. May God continue to bless the United States." Now that's 16 words that would make up for those OTHER 16 that got him in so much trouble last January. Why, it may even qualify as irony!!

I'll run the speech by Alanis Morissette and see what she says.