Tens of thousands of my beloved supporters are demonstrating in Saddam City, DC--er, I mean WASHINGTON, DC (for a while longer, anyway)--on my behalf. Such open shows of devotion always warm the cockles of my heart!! Or maybe I'm just feeling that pastrami sandwich I had earlier....

And while I may not be entirely sure exactly what a "cockle" is, I am quite certain that mine is bigger than any other man's.

Anyway, I had hoped to get to America and address the crowds, but things didn't quite work out. I did have a ticket on Ghetto Dilta Airlines all the way to JFK in New York, and then I was going to take a cab to LaGuardia and catch the USAir Shuttle to DC. Then on the way back I was going to try and sneak into Yankee stadium for tonight's game.

But all my well-laid plans were for naught when I ran into a slight snag at Saddam International Airport. It seems my titanium alloy penile implant kept setting off the metal detector!

Hopefully my supporters can take comfort in the fact that I am with them in spirit, if not in body.