Now the Americans want to hold elections in my country next summer.

Fat chance.

The situation in Iraq at the moment is such that the only people cooperating with the unlawful agents of democracy are the ones with a death wish. That's how it works now, you know. An Iraqi man comes home early one day, catches his wife with the milkman, which would be highly unusual since we don't have cows, and decides life is no longer worth living. So what does he do? He goes out into the middle of the street and announces at the top of his lungs that he is going to begin cooperating with the Americans.

Granted, Doctor Kevorkian's methods were less messy, but the two techniques are equally effective.

My point is, who in their right mind is going to run for office? The members of the so-called Iraqi Governing Council, who to their credit haven't done squat so far, are essentially great big walking targets.

And how, exactly, is the voting going to be handled? Are they going to bring over those voting machines from Florida? Yeah, right. Even if they DO manage to hold an election, the results will be tied up in court till 2006.

But that's okay, because by then Howard Dean will be halfway through his first term as President.