People sometimes say to me, "Saddam, running an insurgency must be incredibly expensive. How do you do it? And if it's not too much trouble, could you remove the electrodes from my testicles?"



Well, yes. It is rather expensive. Between the munitions and the death benefits for my fighters, the costs really add up. But by using former AOL and Enron accountants, I'm able to cover it up and make it look like I'm still turning a profit.



Besides, I'm generating huge revenues from sales of the newly released on DVD sex video of me & Paris Hilton. I will confess, however, to editing out the scene where the two of us fell off the bucking camel. I'm saving that for the special Director's Cut edition, due out in time for Ramadan next year.

----------Mike Luckovich, Atlanta Journal Constitution

And I'll release those electrodes when I damn well please. In the meantime, stop your shrieking. It hurts my ears.