Anyone who still doubts that I got a raw deal needs to take a look at Richard Clarke's book, "Against All Enemies." Basically, it says that the Bush Administration had it in for me from the beginning. In fact, in the days immediately after 9-11, the President was trying his best to somehow tie the attacks to me. This, in spite of overwhelming evidence implicating Al Qaeda.

As the world now knows, I had nothing to do with 9-11. My followers, as a rule, do not engage in suicide attacks. Rather, I shoot them myself if they screw up. Nor do I have any connection to Osama, aside from our annual exchange of Ramadan cards. I think he's a religious fruitcake, and he thinks I'm an unholy self-serving tyrant concerned only with lining his own pockets, and enhancing his power solely for the sake of power.

Which is true, but that's besides the point. And that point is that I was framed!!

Now I know how O.J. felt.