Thursday, April 01, 2004

I certainly enjoy my little interrogation sessions with my captors. It's kind of like engaging in a battle of wits with an unarmed man!

This morning, for example, I summoned the guard and told him I had had enough, and I was ready to talk. So he scurried off to summon his superiors, and eventually I was escorted to the little room where they ask all the questions.

Two CIA flunkies appeared and asked what I wanted. I told them I was prepared to cooperate, and they eagerly sat down with their notebooks and tape recorders.

I began by giving them the exact locations of my weapons of mass destruction, right down to the minutes and seconds of longitude and latitude. They carefully jotted the information down.

Then I began giving them the names of the leaders of the anti-American insurgents, as well as their home addresses. Then they summoned a general of some kind or another and passed that information on to him.

Next I admitted to having ties with Al Qaeda, and gave them the precise location of bin Laden's cave. They quickly gave that information to some special forces people.

I told them I still had billions of plundered dollars in Swiss bank accounts, and I gave them the account numbers and passwords to those.

At my request they put Rumsfeld and Wolfowitz on the speakerphone and formally apologized to them for being such a bad man. They graciously accepted my words of remorse.

By now it was early evening, and after some six or seven hours of my spilling my guts, they got ready to escort me back to my cell. Then I said, "Oh, just one more thing...."

"What's that?" asked one of the CIA guys.

And I smiled and said "APRIL FOOL!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!"