I understand that President Bush will be holding a press conference tonight. Well, United States time, it's tonight. For me, it will be like four or five in the morning because I'm actually writing this from here in Baghdad. Or maybe it's Qatar. Actually, I'm not too sure where I am, except that I do occasionally see camels walking by my cell window.

So I suppose I could also be at the San Diego zoo.

At any rate, it will be interesting to hear what Bush has to say. If he strikes an apologetic tone, perhaps I'll be lenient in my terms of surrender. But he's going to have to help clean up the mess he's created in my country, so he'll need to have a mop & bucket handy. And LOTS of Mr. Clean, preferably with the lemon fresh scent.

I remember years ago I once held a press conference. Some of the questions posed by the assembled journalists were quite difficult and even rude. So right after their funerals, I held a second press conference, and this time the reporters were much more polite and respectful.