I have been reviewing with great interest those photos of the prisoners being abused, and quite frankly, I'm disgusted. Everyone is all upset over them, and the whole Arab world is in an uproar. But if you want my opinion, the whole thing is unbelievably amateurish.

I mean, what's the deal with having the guy standing on a box while holding wires in his hands? One of the first things they teach you in Despot 101 is that if you're going to torture and/or threaten someone with electricity, you absolutely have to get the testicles involved. No ifs, ands or buts about it.

We men are funny about our family jewels. I mean, you can cut off our arms and shoot us in the kneecaps, we won't shed a tear. But if you go for the cajones, we become whimpering little babies.

But what I find most intriguing about this whole affair is the chick that shows up in some of the shots. Who is she? What's her story? Is she this much fun on a date? Quite frankly, I'd like to meet her. She seems like my type! So if any of you know who she is, please let me know.

Oh, and I don't mean to brag, but if she had been posing with me in the above photo, the photographer would have needed a wide angle lens.