Word is that the United States will be turning me over to the Iraqis in July.

Well, thank Allah!!!! It's about damn time!!! Maybe then I'll be able to get a damn DVD player in my cell. Oh, and a stereo TV!

Then again, who cares? Once the Americans no longer have me, it's only a matter of time before the Iraqi people come crawling and beg me to return to power. You know that old expression about "Absence makes the heart grow fonder?" Well, you can bet it's true. This brief flirtation with democracy and freedom hasn't worked out too well for the vast majority of Iraqis, and they yearn to return to the days of tyranny and oppression.

Besides, when given a choice, most Iraqis prefer to be tortured with good old fashioned pain and dismemberment, not this weird psycho-sexual crap the Americans are into. Putting women's underwear on a man's head? Having a woman drag him around on a leash? What is that about!?!? Maybe those crazy Christians enjoy that, but it's just plain offensive to the average Muslim victim.