I read this story and started laughing so hard that I leaned back in the chair and fell against the filing cabinet! And then I was stuck, flailing my arms and legs like some sort of mustachioed turtle, trying to get the chair to fall forward again. The worst thing was, of course, that I couldn't simply yell for help, because then the guards would have figured out that I've been lifting out the ceiling tiles in my cell and crawling over their infidel heads to the General's office. They probably would have punished me by pointing at my genitals.

So what I finally did was pull the belt out of my pants, and use it to lasso the espresso coffee maker nearby. Then I pulled myself back up. Plus, I was able to fix myself a great cup o' joe!

Anyway, what started this mess is the revelation by that 9/11 Commission in the United States that Al Qaeda had far more contacts with Pakistan AND Iran than it ever did with me!! This comes on top of the previously known fact that NONE of the funding for the plot was traced to me, and that NONE of the hijackers were Iraqis. Indeed, it's long been known that 15 of the 19 were Saudis.

President Lucy has some serious 'splaining to do!!