Friday, July 30, 2004

A number of you have expressed concern about the condition of my prostate. First of all, let me say that I am touched that you worry about me so. Secondly, let me say that if you go anywhere near my prostate, I will personally rip your heart out of your thoracic cavity and feed it to these rats that keep scampering around my cell.

A man's prostate is a highly personal--and EXTREMELY private--organ. It basically goes to the heart of our masculinity, so don't expect us to be dropping trou and bending over for every Tom, Dick and Harry that comes along.

I remember years ago when I first went in for a physical. I had never had one, so of course I had no idea what to expect. So the doctor eventually got to the point where he asked my to bend over. Well, as I said, I had no idea what was going on, so did as requested. The next thing I know, he's probing the planet next to Saturn, except it wasn't Uranus, it was MINE!!! Needless to say, I shot the doctor right there in the examining room.

So the next day I went back to finish the physical with a different doctor, and sure enough, the same thing happened. Well, this went on for several more cycles, until by the end of the week when I was almost out of bullets--and doctors.

Fortunately that was when I encountered Dr. Habib, who went to great lengths to explain everything he was doing, and precisely what was involved along the way. I was greatly appreciative of his compassion and candor, and felt totally comfortable as he completed his exam.

Then I shot the sorry son of a bitch.