I know there has been a lot of snickering going on behind my back about my alleged poetry writing. And that's okay! Really! I'm well aware of who's been making snide comments, and I've been recording your IP addresses. In fact, I just emailed the list to the Committee of Planning and Follow-up. They will be in touch with you shortly.

As for the rest of you who aren't suddenly fleeing for your lives, I thought I would share one of my poems with you:

They call me Beast of Baghdad.
They're hurtful and they're snide --
But that's because they've never seen
My sweet, poetic side.
Sure, I authorized some floggings,
And gassed to death some foes,
But I'm hoping now to show the world
The Saddam that no one knows.
This Saddam is filled with anguish
For all things mean and bad.
I weep for mankind's pain -- in fact,
My name begins with Sad.
My pen, it has a warhead
You thought I'd hidden weapons
And I admit I did, in part:
To warm the coldest heart.
Neither cell nor fetid rathole
Can still this plaintive wail.
I'll keep writing mush, I swear it
Till you get me outta jail.

Oh, and if anyone tries to tell you that was actually written by a some guy named Gene Weingarten, don't listen to them.