As you know, I am always out to provide my vast legions of loyal readers--as well as the occasional passers by who probably also like to stop and stare at car wrecks--with new features and services on my site. In keeping with that desire, I have added a countdown feature which will track the days till two important events. You can find this new addition on the left of the screen, immediately above my large throbbing poll but below the Iraq War cost counter.

Now some of you may be saying, "Why Saddam, that is certainly big news! Are you privy to secret, inside information, and do you have any other large throbbing poles we can play with?"

No, I am not privy to such things. However, the events of the last 18 months or so have left me somewhat cynical and bitter about the world in which we live. So it wouldn't surprise me one bit if bin Laden were to be suddenly "found" four days before America's presidential election.

As to the second part of your inquiry: If you are a woman--preferably attractive with shaved armpits (though at this point I'm willing to take anything)--visiting hours are 5-8 P.M. weeknights, and 2-8 P.M. on weekends.

If you are a man, call the Governor of New Jersey.