United Nations Secretary General Kofi Annan has caused a bit of a stir with his pronouncement that the Iraq war was "illegal."

Now please understand that I don't want to seem ungrateful, because I'm not. And I say this because I know that there are certain individuals out there who think I'm rude, uncouth, and have bad table manners. And that's just not true! I am actually very well versed in the social graces, and I read Miss Manners almost every day! I even know which fork is for what at fancy dinners!

On the other hand, since I'm usually busy fulfilling my duties as a brutal despot who gases his own people, I don't generally have too many opportunities to show off my refined tastes. Besides, I don't want to look like a pansy.

I say all this because I want you to understand that I have put a lot of thought into the precise wording of the question I'm about to ask:

Why the F*CK didn't that stupid son of a bitch say this a year and a half ago?!?!?!?!?!?!