Sunday, October 31, 2004

I've been sitting here working on some math problems. What? Are you surprised I would dabble in such an intellectual exercise!?! Well, you shouldn't be. I was a math major back in college. Admittedly, my grades weren't very good at first, but that all changed after I gassed the Dean and his family.

Anyway, what prompted my resurgence of interest in numbers was this recent report that over 100,000 Iraqi civilians have died since the beginning of the war. Yes, I know that sounds bad, but it gets even worse when you start analyzing it.

For example: Everyone knows that I have been accused of killing "hundreds of thousands" of my own citizens. And although I never really kept track, that sounds about right. But for sake of argument, lets put the exact total at 900,000. Yeah, yeah, I hear some of you cringing in revulsion. But in my defense, I'd like to point out that the vast majority of those were Kurds and Shiites.

I took over Iraq in 1979 and ruled for 24 years until my, um, "extended vacation" which began last year. So you take that 900,000 figure and divide by 24, and you get an average of 37,500 deaths per year.

The Americans, on the other hand, took over about 18 months ago. So take that 100,000 figure, divide it by 1.5, and you end up with an average of 66,667 deaths per year.

Interesting, eh? And there's more: This recent study also says that the average Iraqi civilian is 58 times more likely to die a violent death NOW than he or she was before the war!

Well, well.... It would appear that no matter how you slice it, Bush is a much more efficient killer of Iraqi civilians than I ever was!

Kind of makes me jealous....