What the hell is happening to this world of ours? Has it gone mad? Has up become down, down become up, and east become west? What's next? Michael Jackson being acquited of child molestation charges?

I am referring, of course, to the arrest of my half brother--Sabawi Ibrahim al-Hassan--in Syria. Now I could understand him getting arrested in, say, Italy or Spain or Poughkeepsie. But frikkin' Syria!?!?!? I mean, if Syria's going to go all goody-two shoes on us, then where are the world's terrorists supposed to go for sanctuary?

Time was that if you were a notorious bad guy who enjoyed killing innocent civilians and you needed a country to back you up, you could always count on good ol' Syria. But ever since Hafaz al-Assad died a few years ago, the place has been going downhill. And quite frankly, the problem is that stupid son of his.

Bashar took over the country when his old man croaked, which is normally how we do things here in the middle east. But the problem in this case was that Bashar hadn't been properly trained. I mean, the man is a frikkin' opthamologist, for crying out loud!!! That's great if someone needs glasses, but it hardly qualifies a person as a ruthless, bloodthirsty dictator!!!

That's why I was so proud of my own sons. They didn't waste their time going to college and medical school so they give something back to the world! They were spoiled brats who had the run of Iraq, and who could kill anyone who as much as looked at them funny.

Now that's how you properly groom kids to grow up to be despots!!!