Well, this is horrible news and a major setback for my legal defense. My lead attorney, Johnnie Cochran, has died.

I mean, this guy was able to convince a jury that O.J. Simpson was innocent, for crying out loud!! How frikkin' amazing is that!?!?! With him leading my defense team, I have no doubt I would have emerged from that courtroom with a Nobel Peace Prize.

Now I'm just plain f*cked.