The other day I was positively giddy with delight that a bunch of Shiites had been taken hostage by Sunnis. Now it turns out that may not have been the case at all! A series of raids by authorities have failed to turn up any actual hostages in that area, and speculation is mounting that the whole thing was made up in an attempt to embarrass various factions of the government.

Likewise, there have been conflicting reports about some official being assassinated. First it was one guy, then it was another, and now no one seems to be sure exactly who got whacked.

Then again, I suppose I can take solace in the fact that the government illegally elected last January has reduced itself to such petty bickering. It's just further evidence of the flaws inherent in democracy, and once again demonstrates the need for a strong father figure to step forward and establish some discipline in Iraq.

Let me once again point out that I am tanned, rested, and ready to oppress.

Plus, I've got one hell of a beard now.