President Bush threw out the first ball at something called a "baseball game" the other day. And while I'm not completely certain, I believe a "baseball game" is some sort of stupid infidel sporting event. And it's probably not nearly exciting as a good game of nogginball.

However, after careful analysis of the photo, there is one thing I am sure of: Bush throws like a girl.

Meanwhile, in the town of Al_Madain near Baghdad, some 80 Shiites have been taken hostage by Sunnis. Their captors are threatening to kill the whole bunch of them unless all the Shiites leave town. It's only a matter of time until the Shiites decide to take revenge on the Sunnis by seizing some of them.

This is wonderful news, of course, for it will only cause tensions between the various factions of Iraq to flare even more! I get goosebumps just thinking about it!

And down in southern Iraq, searchers have found mass graves containing the remains of 7000 people supposedly killed by me. What utter nonsense!! Let me assure you, my faithful readers, that I had nothing to do with their untimely deaths. I don't know when this alleged massacre happened, but let me be the first to say that I was out in the backyard of one of my palaces working on my golf swing at the time. I have witnesses who can prove that.... Probably.... Unless they're also in prison.