So how's the United States' "War on Terror" going?

Well, funny you should ask. It turns out the U.S. State Department has just released its figures for last year. And quite frankly, it ain't looking too good.

(Now I know some members of the Grammar Gestapo are going to want to point out that the word "ain't" ain't actually a word, and that's fine. By way of a response, I'll merely point out that I don't speak English and know next to nothing about that very peculiar language, so give me a break. And if you feel compelled to complain again, I will have no choice except to attach electrodes to parts of your body that aren't normally on public display. Okay? Okay. Glad we cleared that up.)

It seems that the number of people killed in terror incidents in 2004 more than tripled over the year before, going from 625 to 1907. The increase in the number of attacks was even more striking, coming in at 651 as compared to 175 in 2003.

Of course, the U.S. government blames the increase on changes in record keeping "methodology," which is a really big word with lots of syllables, and therefore quite problematic for someone like me who doesn't speak a lick of English. But I think it has to do with how many people worked on compiling the statistics, as well as a surge in attacks in Kashmir and here in Iraq.

One Congressman, a Henry Waxman, suggested that the increase may be due to the fact that American foreign policy is pissing off the entire frikkin' world. Well, okay, maybe those weren't his exact words, but it pretty well sums up what he meant.