GQ, which is a magazine intended for dapper infidels, has interviewed some of my former guards. It is an insightful look at my day-today life, and it also confirms my suspicions that they still haven't figured out that I sometimes crawl through the ceiling to the General's office and surf porn sites on the internet.... Oh, plus I occasionally update this site.

They describe me as being something of a "clean freak." What's that supposed to mean? Is there something wrong with taking pride in one's appearance, even when (more or less) confined to a jail cell?

They also say I like Raisin Bran for breakfast. So what? When you get to be my age, it's important to take extra steps to maintain the regularity of your bowel movements.

They also seem surprised that I was offering them marital advice. Well, why not? With as many wives as I've had--simultaneously--Allah knows I have plenty of matrimonial experience! And I have no problem with offering helpful suggestions to those who are still single. Besides, I have nothing against the youngsters who guard me. They're just doing their jobs. And I'm sure they'd rather be in here keeping an eye on me than out there in that craziness that has overtaken Iraq, which used to be such an oasis of peace and prosperity in the middle east.