My upcoming trial has been receiving an increasing amount of attention. My lawyers, in an effort to make sure I receive I fair hearing, want to move the proceedings to a neutral location, such as Sweden.

F*ck that. The last thing I need is a "fair" trail. I'm not stupid, you know.

So forget Sweden, or Switzerland, or Austria. And screw Luxemburg and Leichenstein, too. Those last two countries are so damn small, they'd never be able to hold all the millions of my supporters that would be sure to turn out.

No.... My trial needs to be held some place where I can be assured of an acquittal. Some place where the seriousness of the charges doesn't matter, and the people are so incredibly stupid that will dismiss all the evidence against you. Gosh, where could I possibly find such a place....?

California, here I come!