Thursday, June 16, 2005

Oh man, am I exhausted! I've been laughing myself silly all afternoon.

But Saddam, how can you do that? You will soon be going on trial, and unless you succeed in moving the proceedings to southern California, you will likely be found guilty of crimes against humanity and executed! How the hell can you possibly anything funny under those circumstances!?!?!?!

Well, it's about Bush.

Oh, well, in that case it must be absolutely hilarious!!!!!

Oh, it is. The White House has released a statement. In it, Bush says that the upcoming presidential election in Iran "ignores the basic requirements of democracy."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Everytime I start thinking about that line, I laugh so hard I pee my pants!!!

First of all, it is an election. Isn't that what the United States keeps bitching about, that there should be more elections in the world? And when a previously autocratic government announces that it will, in fact, hold elections, America has the audacity to get picky about the particulars? Give me a break! They should be saying things like, "It's a good start," or "We applaud this move in the right direction," or "We're leaving Iraq now. Bye."

Secondly, what right does Bush have to be lecturing anyone about the "basic requirements of democracy?" Granted, I'm a dictator by vocation and don't have a whole lot of experience with elections, but I'm nonetheless familiar with the theoretical aspects of democracy. And unless I'm mistaken--and if I am, please let me know so I can track you down and yank out your fingernails for having the nerve to correct me--one of those theoretical aspects is that the guy with the most votes wins!

Um.... Has Bush forgotten what happened in 2000? I seem to remember Al Gore having more votes. The only reason Bush eventually got to move into the White House is because his own brother just happened to be governor of the very state that was in contention.

Nope. Nothing fishy about that.

And he won last year with 50.8% of the vote, and then called that a mandate?!?! If 50.8% is a frikkin' mandate, then what's a squeaker? 50.7999999%?

A dictatorship is so much simpler: One man, one rule.