Did you know that the United States controls the internet? Oh, it's true. In fact, the www was started as a project by the Pentagon to tie its computers together. But then the porn industry got a hold of the idea, and the rest is history.

Remember that old Matthew Broderick movie, Wargames? He hacks into some top secret computer and almost starts a nuclear war. Now the plot suddenly all makes sense!! What still does NOT make sense, and never will, is how that little twerp ended up marrying someone as hot as Sarah Jessica Parker....

Anyway, there have been some proposals that control of the computers that control the internet should be turned over to an international body of some sort, such as the European Union or the UN.

Actually, I'm available, too. I'm looking for work. Plus, I'm essentially a man without a country at the moment, so that makes me pretty damn "international." And I can absolutely guarantee you one thing: Give me control over the internet and I will put a stop to all the damn spammers, the phishing schemes, and those stupid Nigerian emails with the bad grammar once and for all.

It's time to face the awful truth: At the moment the United States is running the internet about as effectively as it's running the war in Iraq.