Tuesday, November 29, 2005

As I'm sure you're all aware, I had another court appearance yesterday, and some of you are questioning the wisdom of my berating the judge. You raise a good point, so let me answer your question with a question of my own: Are you completely out of your minds!?!?! Do you have any idea what happens to people who question my decisions? Do you have any idea how painful electrodes attached to your testicles can be? Or would you prefer to be hung from the ceiling by your nipples?

Good. I'm glad we settled that particular issue.

Besides, what's the judge going to do about it? Nothing. I mean, how many of you honestly believe this guy is going to live long enough to render judgment against me? The mortality rate among officials--especially judges--of the current temporary government of Iraq is only slightly higher than that of a poor black American trapped in New Orleans during a category 5 hurricane. On the other hand, at least Bush cares about the Iraqi officials.

Why, just the other day, eight Sunnis were arrested for plotting the assassination of the clown who prepared the case against me. And let's not forget the two lawyers working on behalf of my co-defendants who've gotten whacked in the last few weeks.

Let's face it: If you're a lawyer or judge involved in this case, your odds of finding someone to sell you life insurance are about the same as buying flood insurance for your house in New Orleans.