Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Today's lesson, boys and girls and--yes--stinkin' infidels, is about the importance of timing.

Good timing is a wonderful thing. It enables soccer players to score points by kicking the ball at just the right moment to get it past defenders. It enables you to score with a babe when you slip your arm around her during a scary scene while watching "Scream XXIV." And it enables despots to elude United Nations inspectors by constantly moving their illegal arms from one location to another.... Though, of course, I wouldn't know anything about that.

And as an example of bad timing, let's say you're the President of the United States of America. You've just had a really bad week, with Supreme Court nominees coming under fire, aids being indicted, fresh allegations about manipulating intelligence to justify a war, revelations that the CIA is running secret prisons around the world, and polls showing that 65% of the American public would rather walk everywhere than buy a used car from you.

So in an effort to regain the moral high ground, you announce that the United States does NOT torture its prisoners. No sooner do you this, and what happens? Fresh allegations that army Rangers punched and kicked detainees in Iraq.

Yup, it's all about the timing.