Vice President Cheney paid a surprise visit to Iraq earlier today, supposedly to see how things were going in general. However, his real reason for coming here was to meet with me to discuss terms of surrender. And all of you are no doubt wondering how that went.

Well, it didn't. I had my secretary tell him that it was rude to show up unannounced like that, especially since I'm such a busy man. Sometimes you just have to show people who's boss!

But between you and me, Cheney scares the hell out of me. You never know what's going on behind that crooked smile of his.