In what is obviously a good omen for my own eventual fate, the guy who shot the Pope back in 1981 has been released from prison. And what's even more shocking, this wasn't even in California!!!!

I mean, hell, if you can shoot the frikkin' Pope--the most powerful infidel on Earth--and not spend the rest of your natural life in jail, there's no way anyone's going to convict me! All I did was kill a bunch of Kurds and Shiites, for crying out loud!