Wednesday, February 22, 2006

On numerous occasions in the past I have talked about why despotism is superior to democracy. Tonight I would like to revisit the topic since I have just discovered yet another reason: Darwinism.

Yes, despotism is all about survival of the fittest. And when you have a totalitarian form of government, the smartest, most ruthless, and shrewdest individuals will naturally rise to power. Iraq and myself are the perfect example of this. When I was in charge, Iraq was a functioning nation. But when the stinkin' infidels showed up, its ecosystem was severely disrupted, I fell from power and the country went straight down the toilet.

In a democracy, on the other hand, any idiot can get himself elected President. A perfect example of that is.... Well, do I really need to say it?

I mean, have you heard about what Bush is proposing now!?!?! He wants to turn control of two of America's biggest ports over to a company controlled by the United Arab Emirates! Forget the damn Olympic athletes; Bush is the one who needs to be tested for drugs!

Some of his countrymen are understandably upset by this proposal and are questioning its wisdom. The President, of course, is defending his idea. He points out a British company used to manage those ports, and says that his opponents need "to step up and explain why a Middle Eastern company is held to a different standard."

Well, um, perhaps because the British are military allies of the United States; because they speak the same language; because they and the Americans share similar values; because none of the 9-11 hijackers spoke with a British accent; and because English companies don't run the risk of being infiltrated by a bunch of religious fanatics. Need I go on?

When I read this story, I had to shake my head in disbelief. It's not that I really care if the Americans shoot themselves in the foot. And heaven forbid I should go meddling in a sovereign nation's internal affairs.

My problem with all this, quite frankly, is that I'm embarrassed and ashamed: I can't believe this idiot actually managed to beat me.