With the third anniversary of the unlawful invasion of my peace-loving nation which would never have harmed a fly (unless it was a Shiite fly, of course) President Bush has been busy delivering speeches trying to justify his actions.

One of his favorite anecdotes is the one about the success in Tal Afar. The city had been overrun by foreign fighters, but then the 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment moved in. They took a far more patient attitude with the insurgency, flooded the streets with patrols, and built a wall around the city to better control access points. Lo and behold, things turned around, and Tal Afar became Bush's model for counter-insurgency operations.

The problem is, however, that once the 3rd Cav moved out, those pesky insurgents began seeping back in. The current situation is further complicated by the sectarian violence between Shiites and Sunnis that is rapidly becoming the norm throughout the rest of the country.

It's kind of like a dike. No, not dyke, you idiot. I meant dike! Why would I be talking about lesbians at a time like this? You people need to get your minds out of the gutter.

I was referring to those big walls that hold back water. They'll spring a leak in one spot and so you stick a finger in it. Then another leak pops up, and you stick another finger in that one. But the stupid leaks keep coming, and soon you've got your pants down around your ankles trying to plug the 11th leak with your pecker.

Here's a funny story: In West Virginia a woman asked Bush "what could be done to keep the press from ignoring progress in Iraq."

Yeah, those growing piles of dead bodies keep obscuring all the good that is being accomplished.