Tuesday, April 22, 2003

Ann-Marie, which sounds suspiciously like an infidel name, writes: Have you thought about having yourself cryogenically frozen? Ted William's kids had him frozen to keep him until they perfect cloning, after which he'll be defrosted, and cloned.

This is a very good question, and one which is firmly based in reality and on sound, proven scientific principles.

As you may or may not know, the current Osama bin Laden is, in fact, a clone. The original one was killed in a freak camel explosion about a year ago. The Raelians, a respected group of fruitcakes who wear cone shaped aluminum foil hats to deflect cosmic mind rays beamed at the Earth by the US government, used a tissue sample scraped off a rock to create the new Osama.

That was fine for him, but it will not be necessary for me. I have carefully checked my daytimer and I can assure you that I have no immediate plans to die.

Besides, Ann-Marie, being a hot-blooded man of the desert, I would not be able to tolerate the cold environment of a cryogenic chamber. I would probably freeze to death. Even worse, the evil Bush might come along and yank the plug. Really. The man is obsessed with me. It's very uncomfortable knowing that he is constantly trying to keep track of my every move.

I'm sorry, but I need my space.