I have been looking over the statistics of civilians killed and injured so far in the conflict, and quite frankly, the numbers make me weep with sorrow! They are not nearly high enough!

That is why I have ordered my Secret Police to put on those old US military uniforms we bought on eBay. Then they are to go out and begin shooting people at random. Maybe blow up a hospital or two in the process. A flattened daycare center or nursing home would look good on Al-Jazeera as well.

And I think we should dip into petty cash and hire an old woman to stand by the rubble, hold her head between her hands, and wail hysterically.

I'll put Uday on it. He needs something to do. Uday! ..... UDAY!!! ..... Uday?