Speaking of the American Minister of Defense, he has stated that nothing short of unconditional surrender is acceptable. I wholeheartedly agree. So anytime Rummy is ready to admit defeat and come to Baghdad with his white flag, I shall be available to meet with him in person. That should end his mindless blathering about whether I'm dead or alive or comatose or seriously injured or vacationing in the south of France, which incidentally, is a country that appreciates my worth as a human being.

And tell him to bring that Pentagon Spokesperson of his along. What's her name again? Right, Victoria Clarke. I shall let her personally inspect my throbbing long range massive missile of love.

It's been banned by the UN, you know.