Speaking of statues, one of my first tasks after I invade America and replace the current regime will be to tear down that boring Washington Monument. I will instead replace it with a 555 foot statue of ... ME! What did you think I was going to say, you silly infidel? Donald Duck?

Tourists will be able to take an elevator all the way up to my neck. From there, they eill be able to climb a staircase leading to my head. My eyeballs and ears will contain windows from which people will be able to look out over downtown Saddam, DC. But perhaps the most spectacular view of all will be that of the Capitol, with my smiling mug painted upon its dome.