What most amazes me (besides my Information Minister's outrageous claims, I mean) is that with all that is going on, there are still cars driving around on our streets! Where in Allah's name are they all going? Everything still standing is closed! Maybe they're suicide bombers. And with the columns of thick, black, oily smoke billowing into our skies, obscuring the noonday sun, and plunging the city into perpetual darkness, many of these idiots don't even bother turning on their headlights!

Please people, if you're going to aim your 1975 Datsun B210 at a fully armed M1 Abrams tank in a final bid for eternal glory, turn on your lights for safety's sake!!!