What's the deal with this deck of cards the unholy invading infidel hordes are carrying? It supposedly has 55 cards in it. Sounds like a stacked deck to me. I'm tempted to call the UN and file a formal protest demanding sanctions against the United States for cheating, but I won't. I'm afraid the moment I turn on my cellphone a dozen cruise missiles, JDAMs, and Predator drones will lock in on my location.

So I'll just continue to lie low and plot my comeback.

Don't laugh!! Michael Jordan was able to do it, what, like six or seven times? I'll skip the brief career foray into baseball, however, and go right back into debauchery. It's what I do best.