In rereading my entry about Victoria Clarke from yesterday, I realized that some of you may have gotten the wrong idea about me. I am NOT some sort of cheater making false promises to women while spreading my demon seed around. Lying to the United Nations is one thing; lying to the ladies is quite another.... Unless I'm trying to get a piece of camel, if you know what I mean. Then her name may as well be Hans Blix.

Granted, I have gone out with the Dixie Chicks several times, and yes, we have engaged in the occasional orgy or seven, but who hasn't? It's not like the four of us are going steady or anything. We're just, you know, "friends...." Good friends.... Really, REALLY, good friends.

Fine, so I have a wife. But don't remind me, okay? I mean, have you ever seen a picture of her? Her mustache is bushier than mine! Sometimes she even braids it!!

And that's pretty typical of women around here. That's why Arab men invented the burqa. And while the wearing of burqas in public is optional in most middle eastern countries, they are absolutely required in bedrooms everywhere.

Besides, I subscribe to the Bill Clinton theory of marriage: It's only cheating if your wife is in the room.